Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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