fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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