dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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