we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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