I'm gonna have a badass scar
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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