I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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