ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
