see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
