i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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