So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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