Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
