Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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