Can i not drive my cunt home
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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