im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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