i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
