I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
