I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
