my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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