Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
