my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
