I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
