dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize