Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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