dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
