I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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