I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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