But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize