We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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