There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize