i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
