is your mom at the bar?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
