thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
