great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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