i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
