How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
