you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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