garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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