There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
