you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
