home. puking in laundry basket.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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