You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
