Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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