3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize