I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
