I'm drive I can fine osifer
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
