He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
