: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
