He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
