I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
