just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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