it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
