you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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