Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
