so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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