You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
