Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
you made out with another girl for some wings
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
