i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
