he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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