I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
