idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize