This girl is more easily done than said...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize