Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
