Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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