I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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