it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
