no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
