I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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