Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize