who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
