i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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