i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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