I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
