having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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