ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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