To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
