i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
