I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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