I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize