I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
