It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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