You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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