So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
