im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
