Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You need Xanax blowdarts
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
